$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
