Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
