You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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