Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
