i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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