smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
