PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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