no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
