ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
