I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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