So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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