Kiss
Puke
pop tarts are not kleenex
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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