don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize