My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
