using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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