I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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