I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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