Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
