Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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