I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
