Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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