Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
