cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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