I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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