Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
