She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
