the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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