if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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