I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
