We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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