Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
