Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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