You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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