Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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