i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
