I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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