it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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