My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
