Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
