I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
