your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
