Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
