does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
