They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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