she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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