i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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