Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
