Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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