So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
