He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
