We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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