I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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