I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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