Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
