Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
