I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
