DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
