Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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