Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
