so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
