my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
