I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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