i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
