I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
