spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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